When Dreaming Sucks

PART I

Questioning:

What does one do when the act of dreaming seems only to drain my efforts and end in shattering my hope?

Where once dreaming was a delight to me…like painting with water colors whatever my heart and hands agreed upon…now seems like an ugly war within myself.

Who I wanted to be.

What I wanted to do.

The passions I never planned to change.

The timeline I assumed to live by.

The drive I expected to have.

Vanished.

Dreaming used to be my favorite hobby.

Now…it only seems to drain me.

Maybe dreams require more discipline than I was prepared for.

Dreaming is NOT for the FAINT of HEART.

Dreaming takes GRIT.

It takes BRAVERY.

Dreaming can lead you to loneliness and unknown…into dark places.

If you want a dream that’s never been dreamt you will have to walk down paths where the wild things lurk.

You want to blaze trails?

You want to shine bright?

Then prepare for nothing less than frightful battles fit only for a strength that not a single soul can naturally possess on its own.

I repeat…

DREAMING is NOT for the FAINT of HEART.

PART II

A Reply to Myself:

Who I wanted to be.

What I wanted to do.

The passions I never planned to change.

The timeline I assumed to live by.

The drive I expected to have.

Vanished.

“Wanted” “planned” “assumed” “expected”.

No wonder it all feels vanishing.

Those words demonstrate dreams that have been built on sand. Why are you surprised when they wash out?

No. I think the answer here is to relax.

Dreaming goes beyond wanting, above planning, and especially silences assumptions and expectations.

All of those words I used…were me living out of my nature. Of course I get frustrated there.

But when I move from my nature to His…I then meet Him in the promise that His plans are beyond anything I can IMAGINE.

Dreaming is so intensely beyond my little imagination.

My only job is to sit “at ease” and live TODAY for HIM.

Today is all I’ve ever had. All I’ve ever known.

Tomorrow is what vanishes. Yesterday already did vanish. TODAY is where my dream lies…because a dream is HIS gift to me.

I don’t create it. I don’t run it. I don’t control it. I simply live in it.